pregnancy 2, part 2.

part deaux
out of order but I should probably give some backstory. Eva was very much wanted and almost completely planned. I’d had the paraguard between kids and had it removed when Mia was 3.5 because Chris and I wanted our kids about 4 years apart. We were doing well financially, were in the midst of house hunting, both enjoying and doing well at our jobs, had great enough credit to be approved for a home loan, saved enough money to cover maternity leave, we were ready. I wanted to do a body cleanse between removing the IUD and getting pregnant just to reset my body. WELLLL TMI but I’m a Fertile Myrtle and got pregnant 4 days after the IUD was out. LMAO

I knew and the moment she was conceived. I just knew it. The day my period was late I tested and it came back negative. “hmm I’ll test tomorrow.” So I did again with fresh morning pee but no, still negative. I thought maybe I was out of sync with my body or something because I’m usually super in tune and my cycle was always 34 days… I just waited for AF to arrive but meanwhile ate sloppy joes every day for a week. Then at 7 days late while moving to a bigger apartment, with a lease we planned to break once we found a house, Chris demanded I retest.

“eh babe, I’m fine. It’s probably out of wack from taking the ‘pussy anchor’ (his nickname for it) out.” He insisted so I did. BIG OL’ POSITIVE! IMMEDIATE HAPPY! NO MORE LIFTING. We were seriously elated.

I think from then on my body said “oh you know now, awesome here’s all that comes with being pregnant hehehehe” and I had the total opposite of Mia’s pregnancy. Mia was so easy physically, but emotionally I was terrified and relentlessly mean to Chris. Eva drained everything from me from the start. I had such bad nausea that I lost weight.. somewhere around 10 pounds that I didn’t really have to lose. One day I ate like one orange and a few leaves of a salad with no dressing. Debilitating migraines, lightning crotch, constant hip pain, extreme fatigue. When the sun went down, my mind shut off. “It’s probably karma for having it so easy with Mia and because I have a 3 year old to chase around when I’m off work too now.” Tears would fight their way out at almost anything heartwarming. I cried over a beekeepers first honey harvest. I cried over commercials, songs, any video of a dad with his kids.

In the midst of this I was trying to find a midwife. If you’re a parent of multiple kids you already know that you’re just so much more relaxed with the second one. There has to be a study out there proving a direct correlation between birth order and lack of urgency in addressing issues with kids. So, I took my time. I had no need to rush at this point. After 2 tours/interviews, one with my mom and another with Mia, I went to the last one with Chris and Mia. “NO CHANCE IN HELL BABE. NOT HAPNIN.” were the exact words in my ear after our tour.

You see, Chris and I rarely dictate each other’s lives. We are both stubborn, we advise and know how to do the dance of compromise thanks to being together 9 years now. In the rare instances that we do tell each other an absolute, we know it’s for valid reason so I heard him out. I had envisioned a beautiful water birth at a birthing center, leaving within hours to snuggle the baby at home, peaceful, serene, no clinical hospital setting. I was going to warrior through my birth like the goddess I know is within me. I’d researched all the benefits of natural birth route, delayed cord clamping, immediate skin to skin, minimal or no sonograms, placenta encapsulation, all that jazz. So when he said “NO CHANCE” I felt defensive. He hadn’t done the research I had. He gave valid reasons though, and I could feel the fear through his voice and almost an ominous tone. I couldn’t go through birth without his support, and he wouldn’t be supportive if he was terrified, so I went through the most natural birth friendly hospital in our city and found a GREAT OB who delivered there.
He was right. There. Said it. If I had went with the one I really wanted, the cost would’ve been almost 5 grand out of pocket with a non-refundable deposit, half due by week 28 and full amount by 32 weeks, a ton and total investment. I’m not knocking anyone down that goes this route, it’s beautiful and I’m still a bit jealous, but my husband was right. It would’ve been a big cost that ultimately for us wasn’t worth it. I didn’t know then, but I would have risked out of any midwife’s care halfway through the pregnancy.

So I finally met with Dr. Wells (at the time Dew because she got married mid-pregnancy-whoa doctors have lives outside of their job) around 11 weeks. Had a sono which confirmed my guess date and saw my little squish! I’d already felt really connected to this baby. Again, opposite with Mia who I didn’t feel connected to REALLY until I met her face-to-face. This baby felt like mine from day 1. 🙂

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Here’s our internet pregnancy announcement.
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Pregnancy 2 Part 1.

I’m lame and lazy so I copied and pasted this from my facebook to share here. I’m going to collect these events in one spot. I do connect with a lot of people through FB, but don’t care to bother them with these kind of posts.

I’ve never done a trigger warning kind of personal post but don’t read this if you get queasy about blood or are sensitive to infant loss or miscarriage. I don’t know why I feel compelled to type it out exactly. Maybe to process the emotions, or to read it when I forget to be grateful for our lives, or to allow others to feel comfortable with sharing similar stories. It’s definitely not to scare anyone, I just feel the need to get it out.

6.6.16

One year ago today began the roller coaster of the scariest times of our parenting lives thus far (hopefully ever!) I’ll spare really graphic details, but I will never forget my heart stopping when I realized I was passing a ton of blood at barely 19 weeks pregnant.
I’d been off work, it was a normal Monday with Mia. Just us two soaking up some one-on-one time. I was in the kitchen about to cook dinner when I sneezed really hard and thought “damn it, I peed.” before making my way to the bathroom.
NOPE, not pee.
Everything stopped.
You know in movies when a bomb goes off, the actor temporarily can’t hear, can’t comprehend what’s going on, just gazes off at a horrible scene surrounding him/her, not sure what to do? That was my reality for about 5 seconds that felt like hours.
“Mommy are you okay?” Mia snapped me out of it and into savior mode. She, like most 3 year olds, possessed 0 reservations about barging into the bathroom and had witnessed my realization.
I immediately said “yeah, I’m okay, okay, the baby’s okay, I need to call the doctor though and dad, just stay right there, no go get my phone so I can call. In the kitchen..” I felt another gush.
Mia’s eyes started welling up “mom I don’t think you’re okay mom.” She had a vague understanding of how the female body works and knew that this wasn’t supposed to happen when you have a baby in there.
So I calmly found my phone, called the doctor, called Chris who had stopped at the store on the way home “can you get home like right now? we need to go the ER” I could feel his heart stop too when I told him why. I felt another gush.
“Is my baby dying? Am I going to die? NO, Mind don’t go down that thought path.”
I spent 10 minutes which felt like more hours getting a bag ready and keeping Mia as calm as I could. Whenever a crisis happens or I’m stressed or in a scary situation I’m always the one calming other people down. I was almost grateful that I had Mia there to comfort. “It’ll be okay, we are going to the doctor and they will check everything out, and we will be all okay.”
Chris FINALLY made it home (actually it was in record time given it was rush hour) and despite all the calming talk and energy I’d been dishing out just moments before I immediately felt myself crumble when I saw him. I’ll never forget that feeling either. I just started sobbing in his arms.
“I don’t know what I did or what to do.”
“Babe, we are going to get into the car and go straight to the ER and it will be okay.” He was holding me up in the kitchen with his big, warm arms. I felt comfort in the way Mia must have when I was telling her the same words.. a feeling I hadn’t felt since I was a kid too.
I’ve always been pretty tough emotionally, hardly ever cried except maybe twice a year, but this was the first profound moment that I allowed myself to really depend on Chris for emotional strength. He’s so great. He let me melt down for a moment then built me back up enough to make it to the car for our ride to the hospital.

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I’ll type the rest another day, so I guess this is part 1? Kids need attention lol this picture was taken at the Tea with Mommy party a few weeks before this all went down. Mia and mommy having fun like always.

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